1. I think that Emile Heskey would play much better if he spent more time training and less time endorsing Premier Inn.
2. England players: protect yourself from Emile Heskey by disguising yourself as a goal.
3. A new Mr Men character has been suggested, based on Emile Heskey. Mr Sitter.
4. Bin laden is dead! Killed by a stray shot from Emile Heskey.
5. Following Ryan Giggs' new deal with Manchester United, Emile Heskey thinks it's about time he had talks about getting a new contract. His agent is confident he can get him 300 minutes and unlimited texts for £25.00 a month.
6. Emile Heskey went on a large shooting spree in Birmingham... No-one was hit.
7. How do you confuse Emile Heskey? Give him a football.
8. Today in a pre-season training session, Emile Heskey's 1000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.
9. Nothing says you've conceded defeat like bringing on Emile Heskey.
10. Emile Heskey has hit out at his critics. ...and missed.
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